shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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