bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
