Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
