I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
