just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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