i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
