my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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