Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
