The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
