i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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