My nipple is on Facebook.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
