I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
