haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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