im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
