hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
