thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
