bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
