you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
