If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
