I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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