We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.