If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed