Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's official drugs can't kill me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas