Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
3pm strippers are depressing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.