So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..