you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
time to smoke my breakfast
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.