guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird