oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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