So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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