My balls are so social today.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
