so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
