party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
