he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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