"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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