i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
