I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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