I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize