nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
