Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
