There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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