Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
