Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There r osticjed everywhere
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
