He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
