Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Randomize
