if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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