what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
