I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
