East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
