The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
