someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
