Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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