A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
