College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
