i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
