I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
