I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
