I wish my penis had an off switch
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
