She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
