dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
