The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
