Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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