Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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