So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
