After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
