Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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