My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He felt like a one man threesome
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
how drunk are you?
Several
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
