He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
