I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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