I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
