You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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