maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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