She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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