he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
