if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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