I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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