I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
