I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
