I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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