haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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