hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
