You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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