One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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