My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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